Monday, 1 April 2019

Dust - A New Form of Protein?


The age old question posed to vegans is that of 'where do you get your protein'?  Well,  research released today from DVR Inc. suggests a completely new and unexplored source of protein that until today has been swept under the carpet.  

Where do gorillas and rhinos get their protein from?  Well, yes of course they both eat a plant based diet and we vegans know that this is perfectly efficient for our needs*.  However, they also live amongst quite a lot of dust, and this is the focus of the new research by DVR Inc.  Spokesperson for DVR Inc. DSc.** Chapman said "Before you pick up the hoover, just think about the benefits of what you might be sucking up, and also contributing to the landfill problem".  He added; "There are many benefits to just leaving the cleaning to another day".  DSc. Chapman has found that dust has a protein content of at least 23g PHB***, which is nothing to be sniffed at.  In fact, vegan dust has been found to be of a higher protein content than non-vegan dust.

There are some contradicting sources even from within DVR Inc. however.  DSc.**** Gill is more reserved.  "We are just at the beginning of our studies and although there has been some health benefits, namely mental ones, to ignoring the build up of dust within the living environment, we still need to explore whether this is actually an excuse for not cleaning and just going for a surf instead".  

* This is actually true!
** DSc - Doctor of Surf Competence
*** PHB - Per Hoover Bag - Not that he would know!
**** DSc - Doctor of Surface Cleaning

No comments:

Post a comment